The past couple weeks proved to be difficult for my beta fish, Bird. He got sick and did his best to fight it. Last Sunday, while I was making dinner he did what I saw many of my hospice pts. do: He rallied. And it was quite the rally. He would swim up to the top, but then would sadly sink to the bottom as though all the energy had been taken out of him, yet he would do it again. Somehow he rallied enough energy to do a full sprint all the way around his bowl. As he crossed his finish line, he, once again, let himself sink to the bottom of the bowl, but this time he took his last two breaths and died.

Bird and I first met about 3 1/2 years ago. He was in the pet store, and I was in the market. He was a beautiful blue, with a slight red streak in his tail. He was perfect.  He came home with me and we began our life together.  At the time, I was living in Salt Lake, but shortly after I moved up to Logan, with Bird by my side.  We moved back to Salt Lake after about five months, and stayed there for awhile.  He did pretty good with each move, although he was always eager to be released into his bigger home, rather than his small carrying case.  He was accepting of when we let another man into our lives when Tyson & I got married.  Bird liked Tyson, but I could tell I was always his favorite; whenever I would come near his bowl he would always come up and wave to me and it always appeared that he was excited to see me.
He then made the long journey from Utah to North Carolina with us, but he even took that trip well.

It really was just the past two or three weeks that he was clearly sick.  I knew he wouldn’t make the trip back to Utah, but he was still hanging on.  He fought long and hard, but I think he knew that we were moving, so he let himself die.

He was a sweet fish, and I already miss his little hello waves.  Monday morning we had a little funeral for him.  He buried him in-between a grove of trees, and of coarse, a few words were said.  It was lovely.  He is missed, and he was a good fish.


B is for Beautiful Beginning

B is for Beautiful Beginning

beau·ti·ful   [byoo-tuh-fuhl]
1. having qualities that give great pleasure or satisfaction to see, hear, think about, etc.; delighting the senses or mind

be·gin·ning   [bih-gin-ing]
1. the point of time or space at which anything begins
2. the first part

Our world is beautiful. I am often in awe at how much beauty there is around me. I find a lot of peace in nature, and there lies beauty, also.

Each of us have many beginnings:
Beginning of the school year.
Beginning a new job.
Beginning a new relationship.
Beginning of a new year.
Beginning a meal…
The list goes on.
I’ve just finished my internship and now the world is mine to take on by the horns. T and I will be going back to Utah (but we’ll take the long way back) and we’ll start a new beginning there.
It’s scary and nerve wrecking to know that I’ve finally graduated and (after I take the board exam) I’ll be getting a “real job” and on my own. But there will always be good that comes from it.

How quickly time passes, so it’s time to find the beauty in our surroundings and the beauty in the each beginning we have.

(See bigger image here.)

A is for Absolute and Air

A is for Absolute and Air

[ab-suh-loot, ab-suh-loot]
1. free from imperfection; complete; perfect

3. overhead space; sky

I chose “absolute” because in this moment, right now, I am perfect. Yes, I am learning. Yes, I am growing. Yes, I am becoming a better person. And yes, there are things in my life I know I could be, and should be, better at. But I am perfect. I am perfect and I know that I will be who I eventually want to be and who I am supposed to be.
As I look back on various experiences in my life, I can acknowledge that each of those experiences have made me who I am today, and those experiences were perfect for me. I know that I am perfect now, and that the experiences I am having right now are perfect for me.
I am becoming who I want to be.
I am becoming who I’m supposed to be.

I chose “air” because it gives a sense of being free: Free from judgement, free from fear. Also, air, sky, space, feels open, beautiful, relaxed, and powerful. It feels present, in a “right here, right now” way. The same type of presence I try to practice each day.

Being absolute and present in the air are two lessons I’ve learned that keep coming up again and again in my life.
It has made me who I am.

(See bigger image here.)

The ABC’s of Me

From July 13, 2009 to July 13, 2010 I was embarking on a journey.  Each day for that entire year, I took a picture of myself.  I did all sorts of things, from painting my face, to using a cell phone camera to take a picture of my hand, to jumping, to setting up an elaborate shot, to …  The list is endless.
This year was full of learning experiences; not only learning how to become a better photographer, but I learned a lot about myself as well.  I had many experiences that really put me to the test, and although many of them were difficult experiences, I know they have made me who I am today…  (Which brings me to this project.)

I’ve decided to start another project.
The title of the project is “The ABC’s of Me.” I will be going through each letter portraying (or trying to portray) something that is important to me, or something that makes me who I am today.  Unlike my 365 Project, I haven’t set a timeline for myself.  I don’t have to take a picture every day, or every week, but I know it will get done.

I always love comments, and am always looking to learn.